Don't Be Shy -- Let the Compliments Fly

I wrote the following article for Graceworks' January 2019 Big Bold News:

Take a moment to think of people who encouraged you to get where you are today. See their faces? Now thank yourself for accepting their encouragement! A recent New York Times article by Micaela Marini Higgs titled,"How to Accept a Compliment — Even if It's From Yourself," explores how "meaningful praise can measurably boost motivation and performance and can improve your brain's ability to remember and repeat new skills." The catch? We're not wired to give or receive praise! Cited in the article, Dr. Kristin Neff, an associate professor in the Department of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, says, "...our brains are designed to look for problems." An exercise we sometimes share in our training is called, "Observation/Compliment." It addresses what happens to us humans when we're asked to give and receive praise. One of the rules is that participants are asked to keep their hands at their sides when receiving the compliments. It's a lot harder than you think because we're so programmed to deflect compliments like Wonder Woman blocking bullets! So, the next time someone compliments you, let it in and enjoy. Now, it's one thing to learn to receive praise, but offering encouragement can be just as big of a game changer. Offering honest, positive and specific feedback can transform your workplace. How? Because people do more of the things they're praised for. Let's be real – we spend more time with our co-workers than we do our families, so why not make an effort to create a positive experience for everyone? The next time you need to give someone input, lead with sharing what they did well. By starting with praise, it shuts their inner critic down and immediately gives their brain that positive boost of the good stuff, leading the way for improvement. Isn't that what we want for ourselves and our colleagues — and our family members for that matter? Here are some suggestions on how to offer praise in a way that can help transform your environment at work and at home: Highlight What Went Well: If your team had a rough presentation or meeting, make sure you spend enough time focusing on what went well. In the article, Higgs says, "Small setbacks can have a negative impact three to four times stronger than the triumph of a small win..." So, bring in the positive stuff big-time! Give Constructive Feedback: When you lead with praise, giving necessary constructive feedback tends to be more graciously received and appreciated. Be Consistent: If you're consistent with offering praise to someone, that person will be more likely to come to you for input and feedback. Remember, you have to offer honest compliments; no blowing smoke! Encouragement is just so good! It has the power to move you and your colleagues to greatness. Let it flow! -- Rich You can read the full Big Bold News here. You can share this article with others using www.RichDrama.com/Encourage, and my previous Big Bold News article is at www.RichDrama.com/Smile.

Since 2001 I've been a Freedom Finder for Graceworks, helping people become more comfortable as presenters through workshops and project specific coaching.

Find out more about our work and sign up for future issues of Big Bold News at www.GraceworksInc.com.